Do Your Beard A Favor

Men. Listen. If you love your beard so much, it will take work to maintain properly.


It’s like anything else that requires discipline. You go to the gym to maintain your physique. You call your loved ones, and socialize to maintain relationships. You feed your pets so they stay healthy, and lovingly greet you when you return home. So, how is it that your beard goes by the wayside when it comes to routine care and maintenance?


Beard of God, a Canadian-based men’s grooming company with a specific bent towards hemp seed and coconut oil based products, is aiming to flip the proverbial script in your mind. I was sent a goody bag of a wonderful array of the products, and the yields have been well worth the effort it takes to maintain — which takes roughly five minutes per day.


First, I used the body and beard bar soaps while showering, the lavishness of the products removed any errant husks of pork or wood shavings, and replaced them instead with a luxuriously conditioned face pelt. Then, I moved on to their beard butter and hemp based beard oil products, which, generously applied, gave my flavor saver a natural shine. It also softened it to the touch. As the night pressed on, I needed to sculpt and style my beard while still giving it an approachable glow. So, I used the beard balm conditioner, which wrangled in unruly hairs and tamed them like breaking a wild stallion. I repeated this process for two weeks, and aim to continue doing this long after you’ve read this write up, because ultimately, who is all of this for? Our partners. Potential, or betrothed.


You see, your beard, the first handshake your face gives as you lean in for a kiss, cannot not be smelly, scratchy, or untouchable. Your beard needs to reflect the inherent passion that you have for your life, and the respect you have for yourself, which then, naturally, bleeds into the respect that you have for others. I’m not just writing this because I was asked to. No, I’m writing this because this is the very least that we can do. Want to keep your beard? By all means. But for your sake, and for the sake of any potential mate, for the love of all things sacred, do healthy masculinity a service and take care of it with love and affection.

Seriously. Over half of your beards really stink, and you’re embarrassing me. Knock that off.


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Emerald contributor since March 2012


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