CQ Old Fashioned Lemonade Will Send You to the Moon

By Samantha Wahl

E.T: Excessive THC

I was warned. By multiple sources. Starting with the retailer at the dispensary, who’s near direct quote titles this article. 

It was my first time ever enjoying legal cannabis, and my first time ever at a dispensary. I had big plans. ‘I’m gonna clean this place out,’ I vowed, ‘starting with their entire edible inventory.’

The stoney salesperson, Devon, recommended I try Cannabis Quencher’s Old Fashioned Lemonade. “This stuff is crazy,” he said, “I drank the whole thing and it sent me to the moon.”

Later, when my coworker saw me with the bottle, she said, “Careful with that stuff. I had a shot of it at work, and I was out for the day.”

Even the packaging itself warned me: “Start with 1-2 capfuls and wait 45 minutes before drinking more.”

One Small Step for Anyone Who Follows Directions, One Giant Leap for This Idiot

But like William Shatner once said, “A sense of the unknown has always lured mankind and the greatest of the unknowns of today is outer space.”

Instead of listening to the experts, I made the ye olde stoner mistake of waiting 20 minutes, thinking, ‘Nothing’s happening. I’m just gonna have a little more,’ and tripling my intake. Thirty milligrams of THC later, I realized I had been staring at the ceiling for a good half hour, contemplating the megacosm and trying to imagine what it would be like to have a tail.

This was the most jubilant high I’ve ever had. It was also the weirdest. I felt as if I was literally stuck in the cosmos. Maybe I have a modest tolerance, but Devon’s admonition was tame at best, and I didn’t even drink the whole bottle like he did. 

The Dark Side of CQ

Cannabis Quencher’s Old Fashioned Lemonade tastes like lemonade if an alien made it. It covers all the bases: sweet—check, tart—check. But it doesn’t exactly taste like the thirst-quenching human-made lemonade everyone wants to sip on in the summer. There’s also a hint of THC flavor which makes it slightly bitter. Its closest flavor cousin is somewhere between Newman’s Own and Tropicana. 

It’s marketed as a mock-tail mixer, and I would recommend using it as such. While the high I got from drinking it straight was euphoric, its strong flavor deems it more mixer-worthy. The bottle itself comes with a recipe for a refreshing-sounding herby, cucumber-infused drink that would likely cut the processed flavor. There’s also a transparent milligram-indicator to show how much THC to use, so nobody has to make the same mistake I made. 

Waxing in at 100mg THC in total per can, Cannabis Quencher delivers some dank, celestial side effects. It’s the perfect edible for micro-dosing (if used properly), and the bottle is big enough to last (a good listener) for many highs. I can now safely graduate from this experiment with these mantras: measurements are to be respected, and patience is a virtue. 

Emerald contributor since September 2019


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